Avoiding revenge is the best policy in divorce

Rhode Island couples headed for divorce court may be tempted to use the litigation process to facilitate a quest for vengeance against a disappointing spouse. Aside from the folly attached to paying lawyers many thousands of dollars are other reasons why such a course of action is imprudent at best and destructive at worst. The path to a better post-divorce life does not generally run though the type of battlefield contemplated by parties seeking revenge for past wrongs.

While there are many reasons not to pursue a revenge motivated litigation strategy, the most persuasive for many hurting parents is child welfare. When two parents throw slings and arrows at one another, children get caught in between their two primary role models equally. Witnessing destructive behavior from parents is detrimental to a child's self-esteem and overall well-being. When the parties can set aside their differences and focus on the children, kids can realize their importance to each parent and understand that they will continue to have both parents going forward. Another compelling reason to avoid airing every salacious detail is that judges are rarely shocked and are largely unmotivated to help one party get revenge. Judicial focus is generally reserved for an equitable split under the law and the best interests of any children.

Seeking revenge requires an unhealthy focus on the past and puts divorcing parents at risk of being trapped in a painful loop of reliving a failed marriage. This happens just when their new life and children require a forward focus to prosper and grow into the changed reality of circumstance.

Divorce is an emotionally taxing and turbulent time under the best of circumstances. Consulting an experienced family law attorney may help individuals better understand their options for mediation and other concerns like child custody.

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Nicholas J. Hemond Attorney at Law
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